don't you want to share the guilt?

BBQ food is good
You invite me out to eat it, I should...
Go, but I'm feeling kind of nervous
And not quite myself
So I'm running late on purpose
And I know this wont help
How things have become between us
But if I go you'll give me hell
And that I dont know how to fix it
Is making me unwell
Well

I arrive at your house
But you've just got up
And you are wearing a towel
And your eyes look dark
I help to dry your body
And I see your cut
So I give you a plaster
And we cover it up
I say "Have you been crying?"
And you say "Shut Up"
So we sit in the garden
And touch the grass
With our hands

The sun is going down now
And it's been okay
You tell me all the things you did
While I was away
And this worries me somewhat
You say you're fine

Listen
Can you hear it?
Does it speak?
Will I feel it?
Will it hurt?
Am I near it?
I dont know

I dont know how more people havent got mental health problems
Thinking is one of those stressful things I've ever come across
And not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy
I think I should read some more books
Learn some new words
My sister used to read the dictionary
I'm going to start with that
I'd like to travel
I want to see India and the pyramids
A whale and that race with all the bicycles in France
I'm not sure about rivers, they scare me
But I love swimming, I'm good at it
And when I swim I count the laps
And this helps me relax
When I was younger I saw a house burn down
I walked past it for the next six years
Derelict, black, chalky and dangerous
I wondered if squatters lived there
I'm still not sure but I know there will never be parties cuz its a shit-hole
After a while the council got round to tidying the town
They decided it was an eyesore so they tore it down
Behind the house was a wall with a few bits of crabby graffiti and the word 'Cunt' written in giant letters
And now I walk past that
I like going to the park
And I like walking through it
I like taking my dogs there
And friends, and I like being alone
I like being able to shout
But I wish I could be quiet
When I'm quiet people just think I'm sad
And usually I am
Sometimes when I'm at a really noisy train station
Somewhere with the fast trains like Kings Cross
I feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out because I've got something to say

Don't you want to share the guilt?
Don't think, just try and sleep


Kate Nash