Forgot to mention I’m insane by definition

Sometimes I know I'm taking things to serious, and that makes my life a bit harder than I would like to be.

Trough the years I have learned, and still do, to enjoy in each day I have pleasure to experience. God knows, how many times I have made mistakes, on this journey. I think it's because I'm trying to be perfect. And during trying this, I do not allow myself to fall down. Sometimes this path I wish to follow is unclear, and it takes me a bit of time to find the steps.

Being a control freak is freakish. And there are no words that can possibly help, because you are loosing a control, and that's the thing you cannot stand.
My good friend told me that the thing she respects the most about me, is the fact that I do whatever I like, no matter what others feel or say. It's like, I'm being me. I was proud to hear that, and I personally think it's the only way to survive in this society which is build on stories constructed about other people lives.

But at the same time, I'm asking myself what's the point of being myself?

Is there a reward waiting for me, for acting like this, or being myself is a reward itself?

I do enjoy in it, I wouldn't want to be anything else.

But I keep repeating myself, isn't it supposed to be easier, being me?

I keep thinking there is a higher purpose of my life, which I'm yet to discover.

I'm not saying I'm not happy. Because I am. For the first time in my life, I feel happy everyday. So, I'm the lucky one.

I would just like to relax and enjoy without asking so many questions.

With all the love,

S