Looking forward to 2013

I haven't been here for quite long time. And it feels like I'm just writing my first post again. Have no idea where to start and what is it that I want to say. But let's face it, my every post is like that. Just a pure production of words building up in my mind, body and soul.
As most of you know, I'm in Ireland at the moment. It's going to be two months in just few days since I arrived to Blackrock. But I feel like I've been here my entire life.

If you were reading my previous posts you know that this year was indeed life changing for me. I went trough so many ups and downs, I have entered the world of my sexuality openly and clearly, I moved across the world and finally I feel I am exactly where I'm supposed to be in this moment in my life. And it's safe to say, once again, that everything happens for a reason and there are no coincidences. Just choices we make and the path we pave ourselves.

First book I bought when I arrived here was Elizabeth Gilbert's 'Eat, Pray, Love'. I highly recommend it if you are on a path of self discovery and if you lost yourself and feeling a bit clueless. It's not one of those life changing books that you praise as your new bible, but rather an honest approach to a complicated life of a single 30 year old female. And let me tell you, if you are going trough a break up, it's the book you would wanna read. If you are going trough any type of a meltdown, you want to read this book.It's honest above all and god knows I needed some honesty at the end of this year.

So, what have I learned in the past year?

Is there an easier question I can ask myself today?

Maybe, but I'm ready for a challenge.

I've learned I have the most amazing friends in the world and I wouldn't change them for anything. They have been here for me when I needed them, in my most awful states of mind, in my most wonderful states of my mind. When I was terribly sick, when I was finally over with the pain, when I was heartbroken, angry, sad, happy, free, coming out, leaving the country. I also learned that I can be brutally honest with each and every one of them. That they keep returning me back to my life path, that they are the wind in my wings and that they will always be happy for me no matter where am I and how good or bad I feel. Talking about full acceptance of my being... That's the feeling I have. So, 2012 thank you for my wonderful friends and thank you for teaching me how to appreciate their presence in my life and how to be grateful for their friendship.

I've learned that being vulnerable is a strength. I've learned that I don't have to be always strong or perfect or brave. I've learned that crying is good for my soul. And I cried a lot in 2012. There were times when I was thinking I'm never gonna stop crying. I cried all day and all night until the last drop of the pain I've been holding for the past 29 years was cried out. I've learned that I can talk about my emotions, feelings, joy, happiness or sorrow with almost anyone. I also learned how to accept all the pain I was holding back. I learned how to embrace my flaws, i learned I have this incredibly big love inside myself and I learned that the more I love myself, the more love I have to give. Now, that being said, please Universe, send me someone to give this love to. ( one more thing I learned about myself this year, is that I'm actually funny, or my mind is, or it could be that Ireland does that to me :)) So, 2012, thank you for giving me once more chance to change my life and for sending love to my life. The gift of love is just something I'm forever gonna be grateful.

I've learned that the time is really the only thing we have to give and share. Our relationships are messed up with negative emotions or constant chasing for more of this and that. But the secret of life is really simple. Use your time on earth wisely. That's the big secret of life. Just appreciate the time you have. With your loved ones, with your family, friends, pets, lovers. Acknowledge the presence of certain people in your life. Tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them what impact they have on you, or just be honest with them. But above all, speak your mind. Don't hold back anything, but also be gentle and not selfish with your words. And remember to tell people you love them, you never know if you gonna have another chance to say that. There is no better time than now to tell someone you love them. So, 2012, thank you for teaching me how easy is to say to someone that I love them, how easy it is to acknowledge someones presence in my life and how selfish I can be in my needs.

I also learned that I cannot run away from life. But I'm ready for the challenge I'm currently facing. I choose not to talk about it here, but it is a big one.


I also learned there is still a lot I need to learn about life, love, people, myself and the world. And I can't imagine a better place than Ireland for that. At least for now.

So, 2012, thank you for being life changing. I can only hope that the best is yet to come and that I will remain the student of life in 2013 as well.

Sandra