The Beauty of Reiki

I was first introduced to reiki this past summer when I was trying to resolve health issues related to my thyroid. I loved it from the first moment. My body and mind were fighting so strong against it, because realizing how much pain was actually stuck in my body in never easy. I cried, I laughed, I sobbed, and finally lost myself in the beauty of the energy I was receiving. After that first session, I was initiated and 'became' a reiki student of first level. Meaning I was able to perform reiki sessions on my own, for my own well being. And I did. I was a perfect student. And I have discovered that besides the pain my body was stuck in I also had this huge and pure love to give and feel, but mainly to accept.
After my thyroid removal surgery I felt so good that ( like most things in my life ) I stopped practicing it. The moment I felt good, I stopped doing whatever helped me to feel good. And although I keep repeating my mantras on a daily basis, the sole act of taking and giving back the earth energy was gone from my daily habit.
For the last month I'm not feeling that great. I wouldn't say this or that is wrong, but as I keep trying to listen to my body and it's needs, I realized that my body isn't in a shape or state as when I moved to Ireland just two months ago.
One of the reasons for feeling shitty is the poor and awful food I've been eating. I grew up in a country where moms still cook daily and where food is still good and has taste. Irish people eat mainly frozen food. Ready, pre cooked meals, with lots of additives, artificial colors and all the E numbers. I never thought that being a vegetarian would be so hard here. But the truth is, I have nothing to eat. Even finding basic veggies is a struggle. And I keep begging my hosts not to buy frozen vegetarian food, but they keep doing it. But I'm sticking to my decision, I'm not gonna eat frozen, ready to go food. My body is feeling heavy and without energy.
In order to feel better and to keep my system running I go for a daily walks. Anything between 3 and 6 km is my daily routine. During these walks I have discovered that my heart isn't really working properly. Meaning I'm experiencing some irregular heart beats and occasional pain. So, I have decided to schedule a reiki session with someone I feel really connected to.
First thing my friend said to me was: 'I wanna check if you love yourself'. And I started crying. And I kept crying for the next hour. Throughout the whole reiki session. I just cried. He said:'Put your hand on your chest and say to yourself: I love myself'. I wasn't able to do it. Mostly because I felt like those words would be a lie. Because i didn't feel it. The one and only love you need in life. I wasn't feeling it. At the same time, I felt the love in my body, I felt, once again, this enourmous amount of love floating in my body, but not for myself. After I was finally able to say those words, it didn't feel liberating, it felt much needed and painful at the same time.
Reiki is supposed to unblock your energy centers and make your life energy float freely trough your body. During the session, as he was moving from one chakra to another I kept crying more and more, and I was facing so much of an emotional pain that I couldn't simply believe it. My body was shivering, I wasn't able to breathe, I wasn't able to release the energy, but after a long time I finally felt my body and all it's pain that was still remembering. I know I was crying and experiencing this awful emotional pain, but whole experience was pleasant. You feel this life energy moving trough your body and settling in all the places you need it. Above all, you feel love and that someone is nurturing your body, mind and soul in unspoken, the most honest and sincerest way possible.
After we were finished, and after I was able to breathe normally again I just felt the deepest and most profound gratitude I have ever felt. My friend said, don't hit me when you get up, i said, i will hug you.
And I did, with all the love he gave me, and all the understanding he had for me.