on commitment, open relationships, being "the one" and the heartbreak

My current relationship status: single.

Two months ago I would have said: heartbroken.

Today I would say that on a spiritual level I'm healing from a codependent relationship that ended with pain and hurt.

I'm not ready to talk about what has happened between us, because I'm still trying to make sense out of all of it. Still trying to figure out my responsibility in this break up, and the entire relationship and what has nothing to do with me, but it's my ex's stuff.

And it's freaking hard, being aware and powerless all at the same time. Being mature and then being a complete child in all of this. Then loving myself and the other person still. Showing the kindness but honoring the emotions that are in me. And there is a lot. A lot of hurt, a lot of pain, a lot of anger. But also love, and compassion and understanding and kindness.

I'm doing my best to heal, to recover, to forgive and there is few sources that I reach towards when I'm lacking the strength to give myself what I need.They explain better what I'm thinking, than I'm able at the moment.

It also explains where and how and maybe even why my relationship ended. So instead of me talking about it, I will let you listen to these talks.