Question mark. AKA - single in a friendship.

I just finished reading an article about friendships which quite honest describes what makes our relationships with other people real and fulfilling. And suddenly the question popped up in my head, are my friendships good; am I happy with the way I choose who I’m gonna let into my world? Not quite.

I find it hard to trust people. I don’t think people are mean, I’m not afraid I’m gonna be hurt by others, I’m not afraid of leaving or ending… I have a feeling that my world will crash if I relieve my thoughts and fears. I’m scared that I’m not gonna be able to accept the words that my lips are pronouncing. My friends don’t know much about me, even though they ask all the time, but on most of the questions I do not give an answer. I’ve been too many times in a situation where people tried to change the way I think or the way I live, simple because it is not ordinary and I do not fit in a typical picture of a girl in this country. I wonder why is that? Do people feel better about themselves when they are trying to fit you into the usual category? Or this habit just makes our lives easier?

Why everything has to be labeled? Why do we have to fit into just one category? And if we do not, are we not “good enough”, “normal”, and “wanted”? I personally hate labels, and I refuse to define myself. Can I be “all inclusive”? Can we all? I’m wondering why it is so hard to be honest, fragile, why I am scared to have floss. Maybe it is because I have big expectations from myself, maybe I’m the one who doesn’t want to accept that I’m “all inclusive”? Could it be that this is the reason why I fell like an alien among the people? Could it be that we are all playing some kind of game, and I’m the only one that doesn’t know the name of the game? And more important, why do we have to play the game? And is there anyone else who is feeling as an alien?

And where are all this questions coming from?