O happy day

Yesterday was AMAZING!
I had fun, I was not angry, I was happy. Loving that feeling!
Loving my life at the moment!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmeoTLGW9KY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Just breathe

What I wouldn't have given to have tired of you.

To do or not to do

When you break up with someone, you need time to heal. To find yourself again, to feel ok, time to stop missing that significant other, time to stop hoping you gonna get back with the owner of your heart.

I need a lot of time for that. I can be joyfull and happy like crazy for some time, but after that I need a lot of time to let go of the person.
I don't need a party, or a rebound, or to lost myself in work. I need to talk about it, I need to cry, I need to listen to the sad break up songs, songs that were ours, watch really sad love movies, just time to be sad.

This is my break up playlist:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJbz5HaKCJc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPI_3U8I0I4&feature=youtube_gdata_player

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8gDeLprlkE&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Movies playlist:
Last night
Before sunset
Dear John
The Notebook
Becoming Jane
And lately High Art...

Help me God (or old me)

I had an intervention. My mom stormed into my room, really pissed off because I'm not ok. And the worst part is, I was crying - some sad song about break up. I couldn't tell her I'm actually ok. That I more and more feel like and old me. Bold, confident, determined, satisfied. She was screaming how I need to change everything. How I need to say f off to everyone and everything and go back to that person who was laughing and dancing and wanted to do everything. How can I explain to her that I lost myself entirely?! That I'm fucking upset because I know I'm not ok and that I don't have enough strenght to fight?! Yes, I want to dance all day long, I want to eat, I want to cook again, I want to make plans, to be happy about the future. I want to feel myself, I want to see colors, I want to run from one place to another and to make people happy because I know to shine like the Sun. I see fragments of that old Sandra. I see that smile, and that wondering faces of others asking who's that girl. But I want to shine for myself. I want to shine again!
I also know deep down inside of me that things have to go slowly. That I have to be sad when I'm sad, that I have to be angry and lost for now. I just need to accept it. I know I'll be ok. I have that strong feeling that I'll be ok. I know it! But can I let myself to be heartbroken for a day or two?

Next Chapter

I've been sitting in front of the blank paper for more than an hour now. Once again I have all these different emotions, words, feeling and thoughts inside of me, and once again I can't seem to put the out.
For quite some time I've been struggling to figure out what's the purpose of my life, and wherever I look I just see the NO sign. I'm not getting any younger, maybe not even smarter, so how and when will I see the YES?

Gratitude

Today I'm grateful for Jason Mraz.

I'm grateful to be able to hear the amazing words that express all my thoughts, feelings, laughter, sorrow, love, in a way that is so humble and honest, it's almost like he is touching my heart with every word.

I'm grateful for feeling gratitude with every song, every word, every tone coming from my speakers.

I'm grateful to see Jason as my friend, despite the fact we never met.

I'm grateful to know him and his music.

With love and joy,

S