Daily Love Quote - Forgiveness

"First, we have to face the notion that in order to consider forgiving someone we must have been blaming them for something. We must have anger, resentment, blame, even hatred going on in order to feel the need to forgive. Forgiveness is really an act of letting go, releasing the anger, the hatred, the bitterness, the thoughts of revenge that we have been carrying around. We can do this letting go without even encountering the person we want to forgive. We forgive by releasing all resentment, anger, and bitterness and thus set ourselves free from the negative feelings that weaken us. First we have to get past blame. Then we have to learn to send love to all."

"Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your spirituality, and it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness. Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds. Forgiveness is a spiritual act of love for yourself and it sends a message to everyone, including yourself, that you are an object of love and that that is what you are going to impart."

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

DailyOM:Staying in Pain

Pain can serve as one of life's great teachers, but it is important to move through it and not become stuck in our pain.



Pain comes and it goes. It is just one component to the grand cycle of life. And when experienced as such, pain can serve as an important teacher. It is when we get stuck in our pain that it becomes detrimental to our well-being and development. If you notice that you feel closed-off, resentful, heavy-hearted, or that you try very hard to avoid being hurt again, there may be a part of you that is still stuck in pain.

We can get stuck in our pain for many reasons. As children, it was natural for us to cry, throw a tantrum, and let the experience move through us. By fully feeling our pain in this way, our emotions would wash us clean, leaving us open and available to new experiences. With age, though, we might have determined that expressing emotion was no longer appropriate, and so we developed a variety of coping strategies to deal with our discomfort. We may have learned to stuff our feelings down or to run away from them. Perhaps we began thinking that staying closed and unwilling to try new things would keep us safe from heartbreak, safe from rejection, and safe from failure. We may have even gotten so used to being in pain that the thought of being without it scares us. But, if we continue to hold onto it longer than necessary, we are expending a lot of energy that could instead be channeled into making our life experiences more positive.

If you notice that you are continually connecting with the same familiar patterns of pain, consider embracing your feelings and letting go of your hurt. Whether your pain is from childhood or from an experience last week, see if you can give it room to move. When it does, you will reconnect with a wonderful source of your own vital energy.

There's no need to be angry, it's ok to be sad

Dear Tristan,


I'm writing this letter as if I'm writing a thank you letter to my dearest friend.

Couple of months ago I mentioned you in one of my tweets, and you were really kind enough to reply to it. I was at the beginning of a break up that kept going on and on, and I was really asking myself the other day, just as you are in "My oh My" - how many times can we say goodbye. You said the most amazing thing to me then, you said: hang in their sweet pea.. it's just the process of what has to happen...it will pass. & u will come out better than b4. i know it Sucks tho. sending you love love love.

And I was so looking forward to your new album, because I knew it will give me answers I was looking for, the kind of strenght I wasn't finding, even though I was trying. And every time I would bump to a new song on a youtube I was over the top excited, because every new song and every word written just touched my soul, and helped me accept the reality - which was the break up that had to have an end.

I played "Marry you" so many times, day after day, after day, that I think I know every live version on yt I could find. And every day it hurted a bit less. I love that song to pieces, and never believed that someone who I don't even know in person, can so easily describe exact thoughts and feelings and fears I was experiencing in the past months. I don't cry anymore when that song is playing. It still hurts, the experience, but I think I collected the pieces of me.

For the past few days I was rereading your blog. I don't know why. Just felt right to me. And I found so many affirmations I just had to put on my wall. It was an eye opening. I always admired your ability to be so openly vulnerable and to deal so publicly with your pain, and I admire even more your strenght and the better version of yourself after everything you went trough.

On your blog I found a song Come Clean, and for some reason I googled it, and like the Universe was on my side at that moment, one of the hits was an online version of Cedar+Gold. It was just at the right moment in time, because my ex just came back to my reality the day before. And I was screaming noooooo, I don't want you here, not now, not again, you're no good for me. And as soon as I played Cedar+Gold it was a full circle for me. The end of the agony. A closure I much needed. I can't even describe what was I feeling at that moment when Say Anything started playing. I cried, like a baby. I was happy, excited, like I came home, jumping, smiling, laughing my heart out, and then crying every emotion I kept inside of me. What a boost of energy, happiness, strength, acceptance. Like I finally gave myself permission to be ok, to put everything that happened behind me. never ever had I thought the music will have that influence on me. That the music will give this to me.

I was crazy on my twitter yesterday, as you saw, but I just had to share the joy I was experiencing.

Today my friend tweeted this about your album: this album is amazing !!!! My reply was this:i feel like it came out of my heart!to me is so healing.i love it!just amazing!
She wrote one thing to that statement of mine: best description about music..ever

And I cried. Because your music, this album really feels like I wrote it. Every word has a healing energy. With every words I'm closer to myself. With every note I'm in a better place. It just gives me a lot of hope I started losing.

And for that, my dearest Tristan, I'm forever grateful to you.

If we stay quiet about it,it will go away

Today I have decided to talk to you about a topic that is really hard for me. Child sexual abuse. Why this topic? Because as a child I was a victim of a sexual abuse. Happened only once, but it did happen. Why am I talking about it now, here? Because it's important not be quiet, because I don't want to ignore it anymore.
When this whole thyroid thing started, I said to one of my doctors, sometimes I think that all of my problems started with that one afternoon when a total stranger took me down to a basemant and performed whatever he performed. I was a "lucky one" - he was a serial child molester and he raped a huge number of girls, all about the same age as me 4-6. He didn't penetrate me, but he did perform everything else. Only god saved me, or universe, or anything else you chose to believe in. It was the scariest experience ever! It's still in my memory. Every bit of that afternoon. Sometimes it's really hard when you keep realizing that's pretty much one and only memory from my childhood. I have good and bad days, sometimes I can talk about it without any problem at all, and on other times, I'll cry, lose my voice, have troubles breathing. At right this moment my heart is beating really fast.
It's something I'm still learning to live with. I don't blame myself anymore. There were times when I did, but not anymore.
I'm not ashamed of it, it's not something that defines me, but to me it is important to talk about it. Because when all this happened, my parents decided to do only thing they new about, to ignore it and not to talk about it and I think they were hoping it will go away. It didn't. I still remember what I was wearing that day. They were young parents, not very well educated, '80s - so I get it. I get why they were quiet, but I want everyone to know, it's important not to be quiet about it.
If you as a child somehow manage to cope with the guilt and realising it was not your fault, there are still lots of emotions and anxiety you need to work on.
I had lots of problems later. First of all, my bed was weat every night until I was 8-9 years old. I prefered staying in house and not going out playing with other kids. I just closed myself in a world that was my own and I tried my best to be as perfect as I can. I still have that irrational request towards myself: I have to be perfect! And that, my friends is something that is really hard to live with. And I worked really hard to be perfect. I was the best student in school, I was taking all the possible afterschool activities I could, I was reading 3 books a day, cleaning the house and taking care of my older sister. All at the age of 7-8. And I was never good enough. I seeked for validation, day after day, after day and I was never good enough. I was so 'perfect' that making one mistake was not tolerated by my inner self, or my parents. And I made a lot of mistakes, changing sexual partners in my teen years, drinking lots and lots and lots, just to name few. All in a search for validation, for approval. That I'm good enough, even when I don't behave in the most perfect possible way.
25 years later, I'm stuck with the thyroid problem. It could be that the sexual abuse triggered it. Because the core of my condititon is the sentence "I'm not good enough. I have to be perfect." . Try just one day to live with that request towards yourself.

The bottom line is, don't be quiet about a single thing. Being quiet will kill you from the inside. Trying to ignore bad things in life will just make them bigger and bigger until they reach the point where they will explode. No matter how hard the problem of a sexual abuse, or any type of abuse is, SPEAK UP! Talk about it, learn to cope with it, don't keep it to yourself.

What wiki has to say: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexual_abuse

Alter ego

My beauty, my heroine, inspiration.

A quote by lovely Tristan Prettyman

I just love her to pieces.

I dont want to be with someone who is not ready for me, I want to be with someone who cant get enough of me.

On that note, one more quote about self love.

"Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself- if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself- it is very difficult to take care of another person. In the Buddhist teaching, it's clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice."

- Thich Nhat Hanh

The Secret Of Surrender Seeing The Illusion by Madisyn Taylor

Surrender should be seen as a great strength and comes when we let go of trying to attain the impossible.

Most of us were raised and live in a culture that emphasizes the ideals of independence and control. The general idea is that we are on our own and we don’t need any help from anyone else, and if we are really successful it’s because we are in complete control. However, true lasting success comes only with surrender, which is the opposite of control. We cannot accomplish anything truly great on our own, without any help, and the idea that we can is an illusion that causes most of us a great deal of suffering. Surrender comes when we see that illusion and let go of trying to attain the impossible. Surrender can then be seen as a great strength rather than a weakness. Even small moments of surrender are powerful indicators of how different our lives could be if we would only let go. We’ve all had the experience of extending huge amounts of effort and energy to reach a particular goal only to realize that we can’t make it happen after all. At the moment of letting go, realizing that we need to ask for help or simply release our agenda entirely, a profound feeling of relief may rush over us. This warm, open sensation is the essence of surrender, and if we didn’t feel that we didn’t really let go. But it is never too late to let go, even of things in the past that didn’t work out the way we wanted them to, because surrender is always an option in every moment of our lives. When we finally do surrender, our goals actually become possible, because the act of surrender is, in essence, asking for the help we need. This help may come in the form of other human beings or unseen helpers such as angels or inner guides. It may also come in the form of shifting circumstances, the small miracles that we call grace.

Family

Whole of my life I have this problem to relate to my family. And my entire life I'm searching for that feeling that will fill out the empty place in my soul saved just for the 'i'm home' emotions. I was lucky enough to find that place of a peace couple of times.
One thing that gave me and still gives me 'i'm home' feelings, is my dog. I feel safe, accepted, loved. Geneva was like that, Dunja gives me that feeling and I'm not even there jet, but this particular family from Ireland already made me feel like I belong, like I'm a part of their family already. I just hope I'm not wrong and I hope that leaving my dog for a year will be worth it and that I will spread my wings and be able to fly to my freedom.

Today's Brilliance™: Lorna Nicholson

Live your life with passion! ~ Lorna Schultz Nicholson If I could share 500 words of wisdom to summarize what I've learned so far in life, these are the important things I'd want to pass along to others... Life is about passion, finding something to do that makes you excited and gives you a reason to live. That something can be anything. Too many people are afraid to live passionately because they fear they won't be successful at their passion. Yes, some people, like professional musicians, actors and athletes, make millions of dollars doing what they love and that is fantastic. Unfortunately, so many people look at them and say, "I can't do that. I'm not good enough at my passion." So they give up and live a life that is safe. But, honestly, pursuing your passion doesn't mean you have to make millions of dollars doing it. Think of the woman, who at the age of 50, felt unfilled in her life so she decided to take an art class. As a young girl she loved art class, and always got A's. Was she going to quit her job and take up painting at the age of 50? No. She still had a mortgage to pay. In the class, she created some beautiful water colors that she ended up framing so they could hang on her walls. The first day she went to the class she was petrified that she wouldn't be any good. Once there, however, she relaxed and remembered how much she loved to paint. Now, she can be seen outside, on sunny Saturdays, painting to her heart's content. So... what if a person says, "I can do it", and then it doesn't work? Do you give up on your passion? There was a man who overcame his fear, took the plunge and tried to be a professional actor. He went to audition after audition. Some parts he got but many he didn't. It came to the point where he couldn't be a decent father and husband while trying to work as an actor so he went back to his teaching job. Once back at school, he decided to take on the job of directing the school musical and at first he was intimidated that the students wouldn't respond to him. After all, he'd never been a director. He soon found out that the children were like sponges and it thrilled him to watch them perform. Now, he has retired from teaching and he is a community theatre actor, and having the time of his life. He often gets the lead roles, and he doesn't make a penny, but he graces the stage with an immense amount of passion. Instead of giving up, he broadened his focus and learned that he could still pursue his passion, but it just had to be in another way. So, go on, live your life with passion and find something to do that fills you with joy. It can be quilting, painting, acting, being a good parent, coaching a soccer team, writing in a journal, writing poetry that you post online, playing ladies hockey, old timers soccer, rock climbing ...anything that gives you that spark. If you're lucky enough to make money at it, great, and if not, then just enjoy the wonderful feeling of being alive!

Fear of letting go

I've been reading a lot lately. One of the books I wasn't able to put down was "The Power of Now" by Tolle. And there is a chapter in which he talks about being used to the pain. It's the pattern we paved on our own in many aspects in our life, and we are so comfortable with that very well know road that we keep inviting and creating even more pain, just feeding it from the inside. It was one of the chapters that really ringed a bell in my body, mind and soul, and for the very first time I asked myself:"Do I love pain, am I in a constant search for it? All the fights that happen every day, am I inviting them myself?"
And it got me thinking today, what if this whole thyroid thing is something I use as core definition of my inner self? What if I use the thyroid as an excuse for not doing this or that, or doing this and that. What if I did replace most of my identity with the general "I'm sick, it's not me, it's my thyroid" sentence? Could it be that my fear from this operation comes from that place of losing an exuse of acting or doing things in a certain, very familiar way? I'm not saying that is the case, I'm not saying that is not the case. But for the first time I really looked deep down inside myself and really tried to feel the fear I have. What if I lose who I was? What if I don't lose who I was? Those are the questions I create around that fear. But the main thing is related to the fear of losing a part of me. A part I became so much identifed with. A part that is not allowing me to say:"Hey girl, you can do this! It will be the best it can be! You can handle it! You WILL be ok!". And as I was writing that I just realized, that was my 'identity' before I willingly lost it and replaced it with "no I can't, i'm sick".
Being a victim - such a strong and easy to play role. Wow!

What if my purpose in life is to be a nanny?

I wrote an email to my dear friend this morning and there I was typing a sentence that has actually been stuck in my mind for a really long time. What if my life calling is to be a nanny, to influence kids, to leave a significant mark in their lives ? Think about it for a moment. For the last 20 years I would say, I've been surrounded by kids and I played a really big role in their lives. The number I'm talking about is bigger than 10. Which is a lot for someone who hasn't turned 30 yet. And I constantly have these offers to take care of some new kids. And it is no problem for me to find a family who is ready to give me a chance to take care of their kids. This time, road leads to Ireland. I have two lovely families who would be happy to hire me as a nanny. Should I stay or should I go, I ask you. I ask myself. I'm already there. I have always been in my heart somewhere near Ireland, Great Britain, so is this my chance to start a new life?